Nostalgia

    I brushed my hand against the small wooden desk and short stool in that dusty old shed. I stared at the crumbling dirty old paper that was curling at the edges that were hung on the wall, crayon and marker scrawled over it. I only hung up the ones we were really proud of. I crouched down and looked in our small plastic house in the corner. The little doll’s clothes seemed to have been nibbled on and the paint on the action figures had faded. The beautiful late afternoon sun  shone through the musty window revealing little white specs dancing in the warm rays. I took the now dried up flower crown off the hook on the door. I put the small crown carefully on as to not break the brittle flowers. I reached into my work bag and pulled out a piece of paper that I’ve held on to since I locked this little place up. I placed the paper back in the middle of the other papers. I stepped back and sat in the middle of the floor gazing at the piece finally back on the wall.
    We wanted to draw a self portrait together so we wouldn’t forget those times. It was kind of hard making out the scribbles in marker and paints, but you could tell it was an honest effort. This was our little secret hideout. They were the one that accepted me the most and felt the most comfortable around me. We stopped coming to this old shack we fixed up all by ourselves like adults around high school. Although we continued our friendship for much longer and before I knew it we were living under the same roof with short ones to look after. They were with me my entire life. Well to tell the truth I can only make that statement true now for finally the one thing we couldn’t stop separating us had happened.
    I always felt the most happy in here. I placed the pistol against my head slightly crushing some of the little flower petals off.  I smiled and pulled the trigger. A small click broke the silence. I realized I was holding my eyes tightly closed. I guess I knew that you would have never wanted this and in an instant all my sorrow and loneliness I had been keeping back since only a day ago boiled over. Once I opened my eyes I couldn’t hold back the tears as they plopped softly on the floor. I dropped the pistol. I guess I forgot it does jam often. When I looked back up my tears blurred my vision and I saw a small nostalgic figure. They motioned almost saying, “C’mon get up! Get up! Keep moving forward! Hey, Cmon!” I stood up. The figure was gone when I could see clearly again. I sighed and laughed a little, “I guess I don’t have the courage to go see you yet.” I grabbed my things and as I left the room I thought that I should clean and bring fresh flowers next time.